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The best redneck jokes Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

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No one could decide who should go and they continued to dangle until the woman gave a touching speech.

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A farmer sat in the kitchen while the mid-wife attended his wife upstairs. Then he headed back to the kitchen. Since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test. When the were in, both men scored 19 out of 20 and were informed of their grade. A farm implements salesman was driving up to a farm in the deep south when he saw a farmer lifting a pig up to the branch of an apple tree.

How about it? Murphy applied for a fork lift operator job at an Irish firm based in Dublin. The attendant on desk duty in the maternity ward answered to phone.

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They were taken to a quiet room so that there would be no interruptions. Two good-old boys were discussing their strategy for picking up girls.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. This being Ireland and me being Irish, surely I should get the job. Two men were sitting on a bark bench talking.

Redneck Jokes Provided by James R. The fellow stared blankly for a minute. Two rednecks in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard.

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Ten men and one woman were clinging to a rope hanging from a helicopter in a flood area. They decided that one person had to let go because the rope was about to break under their weight and everyone would plunge to their death. A Norwegian applied for the same job. My wife won twice last week.

And give up show business? Then he headed downstairs again.

A man told a friend that he had experienced a strange day. So, they parked the pickup truck, walked in the store and told the clerk they want to buy a bunch of them shirts and trousers advertised in the window. The farmer puts the animal down and picks up another pig who gobbles up another apple.

Two fellows were working at a sawmill when the first fellow got too close to the saw and cut his ear off. As the salesman watched, the pig bites a large apple off the branch. Again he asked for free sex and the proprietor asked him to guess the correct .

Provided by James R. Martin, Ph. A few tips from the Redneck book of manners: Never take a beer to a job interview. The owner told him to pick a from 1 to If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 2, but the proprietor said he was sorry, but the was 3. A man was taking various test in a country hospital.

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Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar. Here comes another! Never give livestock as a wedding gift.

Sam works for the circus, following the elephants with a pail and shovel. Bubba shook his head and laughed.

When he came out, he asked his wife to return the bottle to the nurse. Elwood and Bubba were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Never take a cooler to church.

His ear fell into the sawdust pit, and the fellow was down there trying to find it. A nurse asked him to take a bottle to the bathroom and bring her the result.